Ghosts Lie at the Bottom of the Sea

Forget the title of this post, most people know that I am a bit of head case. It could even be said that I am a tad bit neurotic. So, if you want to preserve an opinion of me that does not include some weird stuff, stop here.

Former Tufts standout Ben Smith once said, "I wish people weren't so neurotic about running sometimes." (Or something to that effect) However, it was Ben who was perhaps the most neurotic of all my former teammates, making the statement especially comical (maybe even ironic). The thing is, the only person more neurotic in TU history than Ben Smith was probably me. So, it's time to take a peak inside my head.

Last night, I had a particularly bizarre running dream. I have all kinds of weird dreams, ones about me missing Patriot games, not studying for exams, and the occasional flying escapade. I haven't had a running related dream since before the marathon, so for the last seven weeks or so I have been sleeping easy. However, last night I found myself in a two-mile race at Colby College in Maine. I couldn't tell you who was in the field, they were all anonymous dudes, except for one. I have no idea why Ryan Bak was there, but he was. I haven't spoken to Bak in a few years, and haven't seen him either. I missed his 5000m pre-lim at the trials a couple weeks ago, and to be honest I haven't really thought much about him. Yet, for some reason, DIII legend Ryan Bak was at this two mile race and we were going head to head.

The gun sounds and Bak takes off. The funny thing is, I stay with him. Early in the race I am absolutely rolling, and having no problems. Then, Bak falls off the pace and I over take him. People are flipping out. There is even a swimming pool in the middle of the track, and the people in the pool are going nuts. At this point I realize that I am in a dream, because there is no way I am beating Bak in a two-mile.

So I'm pulling away and I get a huge lead (and I mean huge). The race felt over, and then like clockwork I start to tie up. My legs lock up like they always do in running related dreams, I can't move, I'm paralyzed and tripping over myself. I felt like Tim Galebach (<-watch the whole video, tough to watch, mad props) must have almost eight years ago at the junior olympics. All of a sudden my huge lead disappears. This is where my heart-rate goes through the roof, as nothing can stop Bak now. What can I do? My legs are tying up, Bak is cruising, and two laps is just too far to hang on. Bak catches up, I want to cry.

Then, the unthinkable happens, I either come out of it or Bak starts to experience the same thing. I know this sounds crazy, but I went "Monk." I only know this, I cross the line first. Then I get a Kentucky Derby sized wreath around my neck. Then I wake up. Crazy.

Upon further review, this is the first time in my running-dream-history where I have actually finished a race (I think?) with a victory. I usually drop out, wake up, or finish running terrible. I have had dreams where I have already finished the race, but a successful race from start to finish is truly revolutionary. Not only that, but I scored a victory over Bak. Of course, it's not a real victory, it's a dream. However, this dream is in many ways a victory.

At this point, I am inclined to believe that some of my confidence related issues may be a thing of the past. Perhaps, the days of psyching myself out before the race even starts are over. Then again, maybe not. I don't know, I guess only time will tell. On Saturday I will be racing in the Rockville Twilight 8k, my first since the marathon. No matter what happens, this dream does mark a step forward for me, because this time I wasn't running around with a giant inflatable hammer at the naked quad run.

Dream on.